out to prepare the field II

Like I said, I was so convinced that I'm doing just fine, waiting for the Lord, serving in missions, reading scriptures, praying everyday and all that. For a moment I thought what I was doing was right, but I was wrong. I did pray, but like I said I was just like the farmer who prayed for the rain.

God is an answering God, but oftentimes His answers we cannot understand. Sometimes faith is more than just believing that prayers are already answered. Faith means getting out of the boat and walking through that deep, rough sea and true faith is not just waiting for that rain to fall, but going out in the fields, preparing it for the rainfall.

God bless.

out to prepare the field

The sun was so high while the rain drizzles, but the salve it brings was not enough to quench the thirst of the dry, cracked field.
During the past months i have been struggling financially, not to mention the emotional turmoils that I have been facing because of strained relationships with siblings and self-inflicted heartaches caused by nonsense heart throbs.
And I have been praying. For a while now. There were those prayers where I felt so confident that they have already been answered. And there were moments when prayer sounded more like a plea, a groaning, asking the Almighty why He has forsaken his servant. Rather ungrateful prayers that really was not in its right place.
But God, is always good. Always merciful, and He always look past my transgressions and looks at me through loving eyes, seeing a stubborn, weak and unfaithful disobedient child that yearns for love and security.
And like the story of the two farmers who prayed for rain, I was like the one who just kept on prayin' and waited... waited for the rain to fall...
I thank a loving friend for sharing to me a very beautiful song. inspired me to look on the brighter side of things, to look past my difficulties and set my eyes on Jesus.
I remember, one song we listened to, about how I should wait. How I should I wait on the Lord. how I should serve and worship while I wait. How i should not lose hope and be bold to finish the race, and so I was touched, I was inspired. and i convinced myself, and convinced myself i did... but i was wrong...

confusion

Today, I took a leave. Not because of any appropriate reason but because I have been quite irresponsible for the past days. and today I'm taking the day off because the truth is I dont feel like I'm quite myself today. I am disheartened, tired, confused and feeling miserable. I know its a no good attitude, NEGATIVITY... I guess I'm just tired. very tired of the many disappointments that I have been experiencing in the past.am tired with my situation in the office. Sometimes I don't feel happy doing my job. It's like I am not doing any good at all. I feel unappreciated and I know that need to look at my job as something that I do for the Lord.That it is something I need to for His glory and not mine.

One thing that upsets me is my business, lately, I have been exerting my efforts but they dont seem to make any impact or bear any fruit. Maybe Im not doing it smart enough. maybe I have been exerting too much efforts but all these are in vain because they have no direction.

Because these two i feel so strained, so exhausted and yet i am disheartened because it seems like its always not enough. in fact, its always lacking... i just pray that the Lord will answer me soon, or maybe i have not prayed for it. Maybe i have not asked for it.

And theres my heart, here it is again. I just cant get over this love I have for this person. Lord forgive me if i keep on forgetting the plans you have for me over this erratic emotions.

Lord, if this is not for me, take it O Lord.
I surrender everything to you.

Revival

It all started when I came to ELIM.

I have the slightest idea that my life was about to take a 180 deg detour on that evening.
I was new, I was curious and I was only looking forward to make new friends in the new company that I was working for.
I thought it was just an ordinary gathering, not quite different from the few spiritual events that I have attended in the past ( I only got to attend a few though), but this time it was different.

The moment I stepped inside the hall, the place felt like home.
Even more comfortable than home.

There I was, a broken person.
Hurting.
Angry.
Broke.
Scarred.
Weary.
and Afraid.
Albeit my brokenness, I was a perfect candidate...
A person who is in dire need for revival.
A lost sheep I was. And that same night I have been found.

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

I can still remember that night, the first time I attended a REVIVAL.
It was a whole new experience for me. I expected that there would be singing, people swaying their hands, people crying and kneeling while they pray, but I never knew that I was in for a big surprise.
People from all ages were shouting & singing their heart out and there i was in their midst and I was so amazed not just with whats happening around me, but what really dazzled me was what's happening inside me at that particular moment. It was like my eardrums are going to shatter with the very loud chorus of voices and yet it felt so sweet to my ears I never want it to end. It was like I was surrounded with angels, singing & praising and it made me felt so ecstatic. Even now I can still remember that particular song that choi sang that night,"So take me as You find me,All my fears and failures,Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow Everything I believe in,Now I surrender."

I still remember how it made me felt singing that song, I remember how weary I was. Hurting and helpless I was as I sang with the crowd, and at that same night the Lord made known to me a gift that I so long for in my life.

The gift of Hope.

That night was the beginning of a new life for me.
I was made new through Jesus. He has restored me. Showed me compassion, mercy and love. He was there for me always. Throughout all my struggles, He was there for me.

I was a living dead. Disillusioned with love. Angry with the world , with my circumstances. Discontented with life. Tired and exhausted chasing material things, worldly desires and prestige.

And He allowed me to become broken. So broke that I never thought that I could turn to become the person who I am right now. God in my brokenness, rebuilt me.My ashes, He made beautiful. In my weariness He made vigor abound. In my sorrow, He assured me of His undying love.

Now let me share to you my story.
On How the Lord Almighty has turned my life around.